Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Somebody Farted

Have you ever had one of those weeks where things seem to NOT be going your way....

Things like the time you turned into Godzilla and yelled mercilessly at your kids while they stared at you crying.

Or...when you turned into an absolute lunatic because you were ticked off about something and you took it out on your whole family and screamed at your husband.

Or...that time when you were pulling into a parking spot at school and you side swiped another vehicle.

Or...possibly this morning when you, once again, screamed at your kid when she pitched a stupid fit about her brand new shoes not fitting?

Have you had one of those weeks when everything you do makes you mad or goes wrong or doesn't please you in some way?

Is it just me?

Well, this has been that week. And I have desperately needed a change in my mood and the weather. I don't think I can take anymore gloomy, cold, foreboding days. I don't want to hear anymore bad news. I don't want to have to discipline any more kids. I don't want to have any more serious discussions with anyone about anything at all. I don't want to see a depressing movie. I don't want to eat boring food.

I need a break.

And today, thank you God, I got one and it came in the most obnoxious and hysterical way.

My friend, Jill and I were at yoga.

We had just finished savasana (which is a resting pose at the end of a yoga) when we were told to roll on to our right side and rest for a minute.....
the room was totally silent until...somebody FARTED!!!!!!!!

I am not talking about a toot. No siree. This was a fart! Somebody let one rip......right at the end of yoga.

Listen, I am not now, nor have I ever pretended to be, a mature adult person. I tried with all my might to ignore it and continue my relaxation. I tried with all my might not to look at Jill.
I tried.
I failed!

Somehow we caught each others eye and we both lost control. While all the other mature adult people were sitting up and quietly finishing the practice, Jill and I remained in child's pose with our arms over our heads trying desperately to not make any noise as we laughed and cried uncontrollably.

There was snot coming out of my nose. I could not see for the tears and I could not quit laughing. I would try to stop and then I would hear Jill gasping for breath and I would just lose it again.

Needless to say, we remained in this position until the whole class, sans the teacher, left the room. Then we finally got up and laughed and cried some more, out loud. Then we went to Starbucks and laughed some more. Then I called a bunch of people and told them about it. It has made my day. It has made my whole week.

There is something so timeless about fart jokes.

P.S. I realized why I have been such a shrew this week. I should be taking my hormones!!!! I am going to have to calendar this stuff or I will have to keep contributing money to my kids counseling funds.


Anonymous said...

Hearing a great big ole poot might just be what I need. When is yoga? Sign me up!

P.S. Principals aren't allowed to say "Big ole Fart!" We learned that in our administration classes.

Your old teacher,
The Nutt

Curtis Clan said...

Sandy would be wetting in yoga instead of tooting! When we were young we called it "bubbling".
I can relate more to the first part of your story. I call myself Crazy Mom and as I am "on" I am wondering who is the person going crazy? Humming helps. Just start humming, ha!

Anonymous said...

I'm glad to hear when other parent's head spins, because sometimes I think it only happens to me. Swipping another car? Cross my fingers - that one is new!

Thanks for the smiles. I think we all need it right now.

Janette Y

Anonymous said...

OK so , this was a great moment in your week. An opportunity to turn your moods around any minute of the day, I would download Ifart to your phone. I giggle at all of the different types of farts. Farting is one of the funniest things, I DONT CARE WHO YOU ARE.

Love You-

Anonymous said...

I love you, you totally make my day!!! Keep writing....

Natalie Brown said...

so nice to hear someone be truly authentic! crazy mom syndrome is only admitted by those of us that are crazy in love with our kids but admit we are real and can' be super mom everyday!!! laughing uncontrollably reminds me of the many times that in church where you are "suppose" to be quiet and start to giggle, and can not stop! and then the pastor quiets you in front of the whole congregation! ugh!

jbrooke said...

I have tears rolling down my face! I needed this fart as well. Oh man, thanks for the release...no pun intended! LOL

Nana said...

that's so funny when it happens! no matter how old we are, we still laugh at it! in that case, our master yoga always says: it's natural

Miss Jenny said...

Ah, the elusive yoga fart. What a hilarious and satisfying story!

I found myself in this position once, however the fart occured at the beginning of class. Horrible, just horrible.

Everyone else was taking deep ujai breaths, acting like nothing happened. I was the only person grinning like an idiot, trying to behave like an adult and not find the fart funny.

Seriously, if you can't laugh at a fart in yoga class, what can you laugh at?

Brilliant blog post, made my night.