Saturday, October 11, 2008

Starbuck's Shock

I don't know how to begin.
I am in shock.
Seriously, total and complete shock.
I am aware that our economy is in dire straits. I am aware that gas cost as much as a labotomy and exploritory surgery. I know that I, personally, have stopped any random and frivolous spending, but I never expected this. And, since I do not watch the news or read the papers (as my dad says) I have been blindsided by some distressing news. So, just in case you are anything like me and would rather watch Entertainment Tonight than World News, BRACE YOURSELF.

Starbucks is closing 600 stores! 600! Stores!

4 of which are very, conveniently located close to me. Cooper and Arbrook, Cooper and Bardin, Cooper and Green Oaks and Collins St. The only reason I am aware of this mad fact on this most beautiful, however depressing, day is because I happened upon one of the closed stores.

Cooper and Arbrook.

Sophie and I were buying some new white Keds at Just Kids Shoes (an excellent kid shoe store). We generally make our shoe purchase, peruse Kid to Kid's bow selection and make our way over to Starbucks for a Venti Iced Green Tea with two Splenda's for me and a kids apple juice for Soph. When I saw the brown paper covering all of the windows I assumed that they were remodeling. Bummer for my tea craving, cool for my sense of style. When I asked the JKS owner what was going on he very casually said, "They closed it down."
I felt a little faint. I had to sit down so as not to disturb the perfect placement of all the shoes lining the walls. Once I caught my breath, I said, "Crazy say what?" (real fast and with a hick accent like Miley Cyrus, go back and say it again) He said, "Yeah, 4 days ago. They just came in and closed it down. They announced in July that they were closing over 400 stores." The room started spinning, my heart stopped and I blacked out. Somehow, I walked out of there with a new pair of shoes and two bundles of socks. It's all a blur. For shizzle, we are in trouble people!!!

When a powerhouse like Starbucks closes 600 (is this a magic number?) stores in less than a year, we have a problem. I know very few people who do not frequent Starbucks. I am there much more often than I should be. However, even I have, for the last several months, started making my own IGT2S at home and only buying one when I am out and completely Jonesing. So I say to you, America, (say this like Bernie Mac RIP) we are in trouble. Who would have thought in a million years that Starbucks would be in this situation. These is crazy days, people!


Chrystal Sturm said...

Without a doubt, the best post in quite some time. Very humorous with a hint of serious ["I'm being totally serious". "I know, Lita. But you're more funny than you are serious. Make me tea and throw in one of those crispy apples while you're at it!"]

One. Did you know that VIGT2S is only $1.99 here - in Santa Barbara! And the refill is only $.50. I paid more in Phoenix and in Denver this past summer. How much are they there?

Two. Where did you get your source? I need to see if any of my haunts will be closing. Dreaded thought.

Love your funny bones.

Chrystal Sturm said...

P.S. Disney update?

Joy said...

I'm home with a sick Josh boy today and my mom is in the hospital, I need a laugh. I had heard how funny your blog was so I looked you up. I must say it cheered me right up!! Keep the laughs coming.

Joy Stewart