Monday, August 18, 2008

What you are wearing is hurting my face!

We recently had a wonderful photographer come over to our house and take a gazillion pictures of our family. For some reason, every time we asked Landry to smile he gave us this one eyed pirate face. Actually, it looks like he just bit into a lemon. He couldn't help it. He just kept giving us this grin. So, it is now entered into the McCook book of Chronicles.
Anyway, I thought this was a nice segue to my newest blog objective, which is to help people help themselves by listening to my uncensored advice about fashion choices. This is sort of a "What Not to Wear" by me. If you have noticed there are several of these shows on TV. There is the aforementioned show, Carson Kresley's "How to Look Good Naked", "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" and many others. However, some people are still not getting it and I feel this is the perfect forum to "hep somboddy". Halleluer!
First topic of conversation...White Pants
White pants are excellent. White pants worn right are excellent! This means you must follow these rules.
1. White pants may not be tight pants. If you take your pants off and have an indention from the seam still on your skin, they are too tight! If they are smooth across the backside and you could possibly show a movie on your derriere, they are too tight! Get a bigger size! There is no shame in your size number. There is shame in tight pants!
2. You must wear nude colored panties with white pants. You can not wear a white thong. WE CAN SEE IT! It is all we are looking at. No one is saying, "Look at that cute girl in her white pants." Nope, they are singing the "Thong Song" to themselves and thinking you obviously don't own a mirror. (Obviously, if you are a mocha colored friend you need to wear mocha colored panties. This is your nude.)
3. Straighten out your pockets. This is a pet peave. It just looks better. Nuf said.
If anyone has anything to add, please do. Also, if you are my friend, please know that I am not writing about white pants because of any of you. It's because I am noticing a frightening trend amongst the common folk. We gotta help the masses conform to our good fashion sense. After all, it's only right.


Chrystal Sturm said...

1st - Delicious babies.

2nd - Were you listening in on my conversation this afternoon?? Did you even post this today - dunno? Anywho, I was having a delightful convo w/my 2 sister-in-laws about black undies w/white pants. What is going on in the world? SIL #1 (she's older...hence the #1 status) is going to a tacky party this week. Tell me, oh wise one...what would YOU wear to a Tacky Party? We were having a hard time b/c Tacky is so subjective. Don't you think?

Please, share.

Tessa said...

You and I are symbiotic my friend, we think alike even though we are miles apart.

A tacky party sounds so fun! I would say white pants with colored undies, white shirts with colored bras, long fake fingernails painted ridiculous red, most of the shoes at Payless, spaghetti strap top with an industrial strength bra strap, bra on the outside of your shirt. OHHHH, those purses with your kids picture plastered on it!!!!!